Finding Words

IMG_3214Since September, since moving to a new place, since summoning the courage to begin again another life within this one lifetime I’ve been given, I’ve written a lot of blogs.  I kept searching for words to describe…things, but as you may have noticed, none of them made it onto the wires.

Sometimes we live life in big pieces, one day similar to the next, a week blending to month, like taffied blocks of time.  It may be that these are reprieves from the fractured times, when life is the flyaway candied threads, each pull another change, when we are so tussled by growth that it’s too swift for us to take note, assign meaning, and write down.

That’s how life has been for me.  My new city (Norfolk) has more to offer than I could have imagined.  I’m linked into an active writer’s center and making friends.  I’m deep in love.  I’ve had the recent luxury of quality time with dear family and friends.  I’m having fresh insights while enjoying a new view from a different balcony but feeling the same sense of blessed that I can again live in a place that blurs the boundaries between indoor and out.

But as I’ve tried to write this, I’ve realized how hesitant we’ve become to say life is good.

My grandpa is turning 92 soon.  I’ve been having him speak his life into a handheld recorder.  About his days of living in a 24X24 building that he constructed himself, with its self-installed 55 gallon drum septic system, he says, “We lived good.  We had plenty to eat, plenty of work.”  And then he talks about Smelt fishing, catching little sardine-like fish from which you could just “strip the entails and have some good eatin’.”

It’s true that it’s hard to watch this iron man who built his life by working first the railroads, then the skyscrapers struggle to rise from his chair and catch his balance on standing with the help of a cane.  Yet he has his health, his mind, his independence, his memories.  He’s almost 92.  If only if we can all live that good.

Which is why we can’t get tricked into all we think we need to have to live good now.  It’s not like I’ve given up wanting to do better.  I have ever present dreams of expanding as a human, of abundance, of magic powers.  I’m not blind to the suffering that’s apparent in my world, the world at large.  But I don’t want to let those dreams or hardships crowd out now’s accomplishments.  I don’t want to let them steal today’s joy.  I want to immerse in the sense of possibility and hope I feel when I wake to the morning sun.

So today I refuse to convince myself that I don’t have enough to say if all I have to say is that life is going good.  My heart is true when I say that’s all I hope for each of you so I’m publishing this imperfect blog to say so!

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13 thoughts on “Finding Words

  1. Saying “life is going good” is saying a lot! And I’m so happy for you that your life is going good – may it continue in that direction for a long time! And congratulations to you and Hector as you start your new life together – can’t wait to meet him and to see you again! As Always, Debbie

  2. Love hearing from you and your adventures! It is nice knowing that you are happy!We would love to see you!

  3. Celina: You are a true Peaceful Warrior….following your heart and soul, wherever that leads you and having the courage to honor that journey. Secondly, not stepping over the NOW of your blessings and BEING fully with your grandfather and your life. Your writing is profound, wise with a deep soulful heart. I look forward to more of your writing and journey……..xxx

    • Wow Jacki thank you for your kind, thoughtful words, they are wonderful to hear and it’s great to hear from you. I hope you are feeling peaceful and strong! xoxo

  4. Wow i am so glad to hear from you so glad you life is good I love you and hope that life gets better than ever for you Love you always
    Maureen

  5. I was so glad to hear from you. it had been awhile, was happy to hear about your grandfather as I will be 82 in May and still keep trucking so as I hear of other grandparents still doing well I know God is good. Glad your life is good so keep writing and keeping us informed. Love you and God Bless. Lorraine

    • Absolutely Lorraine! You’re as tough as they come! I hope to see you soon, but until then I’ll keep writing as you said. Blessings to you and yours!

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