Since September, since moving to a new place, since summoning the courage to begin again another life within this one lifetime I’ve been given, I’ve written a lot of blogs. I kept searching for words to describe…things, but as you may have noticed, none of them made it onto the wires.
Sometimes we live life in big pieces, one day similar to the next, a week blending to month, like taffied blocks of time. It may be that these are reprieves from the fractured times, when life is the flyaway candied threads, each pull another change, when we are so tussled by growth that it’s too swift for us to take note, assign meaning, and write down.
That’s how life has been for me. My new city (Norfolk) has more to offer than I could have imagined. I’m linked into an active writer’s center and making friends. I’m deep in love. I’ve had the recent luxury of quality time with dear family and friends. I’m having fresh insights while enjoying a new view from a different balcony but feeling the same sense of blessed that I can again live in a place that blurs the boundaries between indoor and out.
But as I’ve tried to write this, I’ve realized how hesitant we’ve become to say life is good.
My grandpa is turning 92 soon. I’ve been having him speak his life into a handheld recorder. About his days of living in a 24X24 building that he constructed himself, with its self-installed 55 gallon drum septic system, he says, “We lived good. We had plenty to eat, plenty of work.” And then he talks about Smelt fishing, catching little sardine-like fish from which you could just “strip the entails and have some good eatin’.”
It’s true that it’s hard to watch this iron man who built his life by working first the railroads, then the skyscrapers struggle to rise from his chair and catch his balance on standing with the help of a cane. Yet he has his health, his mind, his independence, his memories. He’s almost 92. If only if we can all live that good.
Which is why we can’t get tricked into all we think we need to have to live good now. It’s not like I’ve given up wanting to do better. I have ever present dreams of expanding as a human, of abundance, of magic powers. I’m not blind to the suffering that’s apparent in my world, the world at large. But I don’t want to let those dreams or hardships crowd out now’s accomplishments. I don’t want to let them steal today’s joy. I want to immerse in the sense of possibility and hope I feel when I wake to the morning sun.
So today I refuse to convince myself that I don’t have enough to say if all I have to say is that life is going good. My heart is true when I say that’s all I hope for each of you so I’m publishing this imperfect blog to say so!